Happy Marriages

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Happy marriages are innovative, fresh, surprising. They create, by their very nature, the ongoing happy challenge of 'getting there first' in the marriage with a heretofore unexperienced gift, acknowledgement, or titillation. It's the hidden note card in a spouse's luggage, a flower delivery at the office for no reason, the preparation of a favorite meal when they least expect it. Happy marriage is the tender greeting, with words that penetrate a spouse's soul because of their delivery, and the depth of their feeling. Happy marriage is attention through focused listening, the almost lost art of truly hearing what the spouse is saying--or not saying. Happy marriage is the ability to anticipate what a spouse will do, say, want, need and ask for next, and the ability to provide it. Happy marriage is...happy, because it's a recognition that a spouse is happy, and, maturity being required, it's knowing we're only part of the union. Happy marriage is its own reward, and our ability to change that keeps it fresh. Read more...

Falling in Love

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A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. Mignon McLaughlin

Tin Anniversary

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Ten years together. One-hundred-twenty months of wedded bliss. Seems like yesterday you tied the knot, said "I Do", then headed off to your honeymoon in the Catskills, or Niagara Falls, or maybe the Grand Canyon and Vegas. Ten years later, and you're wondering where did the time go? Traditionally, the tenth is celebrated as the 'tin' anniversary. The reason for this could be something exotic, such as the acknowledgment that tin is more durable than paper, used for the first year of marriage. Or it could be recognition that by ten years a couple's golden years are still a long way off. It could even be something as simple as the obvious connection between the words ten and tin. Who knows? The reality is, that in our culture, people recognize ten years with something crafted from tin. So what are some ideas for this? What tin items can be had, or created to salute ten years together? Here are tin (10) ideas to consider:
...6 Tin popcorn bowl. Remember that tin popcorn server you had when you were a kid? Go to E-Bay and look for one. I'm betting your spouse had one of those, too. He or she would love to fill it with buttery, fresh popcorn then sit in front of the TV and share ten years together with you. Recommendation for a movie? Try 'Ghost'. Just don't expect to make it through the pottery-wheel scene. Put the kids to bed first.
Read the complete article.

Books Bind Us, Too

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Book reading groups are a great way to bind us in marriage. It’s intuitive that, when two people spend time together doing intimate things, they tend to require more of that experience. Reading together is a fairly intimate way to spend time, given that one purpose of reading something is to share it with someone. Plus, if we can learn a lot from the subject matter someone reads, it stands to reason that a mate’s choice of books gives us an intimate look at who they are. These days, too, with the rising cost of doing anything, or going anywhere, and the limits placed on our pocketbooks, a reading group just makes sense. They are’ after all, free.

Directionally Challenged

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This is for all of those (others) out there who are directionally challenged too.
First some ground rules to get us started:
1) You CAN get to Gahanna from OSU by way of Bexley.
2) The sunset is readily visible driving WEST.
3) "Feeling" like you're driving in the right direction doesn't make it correct.
4) It does not help to keep driving when rule #3 is occurring.
The rest of the story:
My first "OMG I'm lost [again]" clue was when I arrived on the corner of High Street with the following posted signs: No Right Turn, No Left Turn, Detour AND the car in front of me sported the vanity plate NOWWUT. This is when I smiled & laughed out loud.

I appreciate Byron because, though he'll never understand how it happens, he's the first to say, "It's okay Mariah, there's more than one way to get home."

And when you're Caffected, there is no place like home.

Daily Dose of Caffection

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Don't we all need a hug now and then? Okay, so we really need at least one a day, like the vitamin. A Caffection Vitamin encourages you to Live Life, Laugh Often, Love Much. Take one daily to provide encouragement, affirmation, love and support to the one who matters most in your life. Allows you to build a strong, vibrant, healthy relationship that will last a lifetime.

Resources Abound

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Project: Noun. Mr Webster states this is a 'planned event', though some projects fall way outside the 'planned' concept. We're in the midst one of those 'projects' right now. We're changing web hosts for Caffection.com and have run into more than a few snags. Being true optimists, we didn't have far to look to find the good in the challenges. Here's three just for starters: 1) This has given us opportunity to implement ideas recommended by the many Caffection fans out there. 2) We've revisited some of the sites we list as resources and found they've also upgraded and improved their sites as well. Freedom to Marry has a dynamic page on legal marriage and HRC has a wedding registry for couples to share their excitement & joy. 3) As with any project, dusting & sprucing things up helps keep a site fresh and vibrant. Just like a good relationship, always finding new ways to show gratitude and affirmation. While we're pushing ahead, we appreciate your patience with some broken links and disheveled pages. The gain will be worth the pain.

Sawing logs: Snoring, your love life, and some options to sleeping alone.

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Here’s a conversation my spouse and I have had several times in the past year or so:
“How did you sleep, dear?”
“Ah, um, well...”
“Damn--Did I do it again?”
“Uh, you know, it’s no big deal.”
“How many times did you try to wake me?”
“Two, maybe three. It’s no big deal, really.”
It is a big deal, though, when your mate has to nudge you ‘two or three’ times during the night, which likely means eight or ten times, when you were sawing logs and keeping them awake. Snoring has become the nighttime national epidemic, robbing our spouses of sleep, stealing quality sleep from us, and signaling at least potentially serious health problems such as sleep apnea. Plus, snoring can interfere with our marital bliss in the one place we most associate with that emotion, our bedrooms. Here are a few alternatives to this raucous, maddening development, and nocturnal marriage threat.

For those of us, myself included, who prefer to awaken with our mate beside us, hopefully well rested, here are a few things to try:

1 An oral appliance which is fit to you, and which must be checked periodically by a dentist. This hardware, like a mouthpiece you might have used in high school football, extends the tongue and soft palate to, hopefully, eliminate snoring.

2 Medical procedures such as a UPPP, Somnoplasty, CPAP.

3 A simple yet effective treatment, and one to try first, may be the old fashioned method of losing weight.
Cut down or eliminate alcohol consumption, especially within four hours of bedtime. The same goes for sedatives, oddly enough. Easy on the sleeping pills; they may be having the opposite effect.
Pillows: if you tend to roll onto your back, prop one on either side, so you stay lying on your side.
Have an allergy, cold, nasal interruption for any reason? That can easily make you snore, even if you never did. Address the symptoms, and get some sleep.

Snoring needn’t come between you and a good night’s sleep. It needn’t become an issue between you and your mate, either. Simply ignoring the snoring monster is a no brainer: don’t do it. Often, just actively seeking a cure for snoring is enough to elicit your mate’s gratitude and help. And if the snoring persists, or gets worse, it might be time to seek medical advice. It could be obstructive sleep apnea, a potentially serious health risk.
If your morning conversation is filled with dread about your nocturnal lumbering activity, your raucous imitation of a sawmill at full tilt, and you repeatedly awake to find your mate gone, off to another, more peaceful part of the house, try the tips above, and sweet dreams.

Congratulations Iowa

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We're excited to be celebrating Marriage for Everyone on Caffection Married to my Best Friend! As former Iowans, we proudly jumped in and created a musical photo album as a tribute to Heartland Marriage Celebration.

Innovative

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Happy marriages are innovative, fresh, surprising.

What We Leave Behind

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There's an old, apocryphal story of a couple who'd been together over fifty years. They were a model couple, loving, warm, compassionate, a truly 'Caffected' pair. The old man developed a fatal illness, and was dead within a few months. His widow was grief stricken, of course that her best friend was gone--for now--but she relished the many years they'd been together. At the funeral home, people came and went, consoling the old woman, viewing the old man in his casket. They all left the viewing scratching their heads, all with the same question: Why was he holding a fork in his left hand?
weeks later, the old widow was asked that question by a group of friends at church. "Why was your husband holding a fork in his hand in his casket?"
"Because," the old woman said with a smile. "My dear husband loved dessert. I always told him during dinner, 'keep your fork, the best is yet to come'."
So...what will you want to be holding in your hand when they lower you into the ground?

Raise the Bar

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Raise the bar for marriage. First of all, marriage is not a heterosexual privilege, but a human right. Many of our LGBT friends are desperately attempting to obtain the right to marry. Their inclusion in the ranks of married people can only elevate the institution of marriage above where it is now. Those organizations which are identified by people anxious to join are by definition more desirable. Besides, other arrangements, so-called 'marriage lite', such as partnering, living together, common law, civil unions etc. all act to disperse and thereby lower the sanctity of marriage. Society ought to discourage those. A truly conservative, self-protective, reasonable society would strongly encourage its citizens to have all the privileges of marriage.

Progress

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Isn't it amazing how far we've come in such a short time? Our LGBT friends rightfully wish we'd come even further toward full equality, but imagine even five years ago the conservative, heartland state of Iowa recognizing the right to marry for everyone. Imagine as little as ten years ago lesbians and gays openly running for public office--and winning--being ordained into their respective ranks of clergy, adopting needy kids or having their families identified as normal as apple pie. If this isn't progress we don't know what is. Now imagine ten years hence when the demographic steamroller plows away the last vestiges of fear, homophobia and disdain, allowing us to direct our attention and all row together, like the well-coordinated team above, to address universal problems like hungry kids, poverty, needless disease, inadequate health care and the vexation of religion-based hatred & confrontation.

Musical Photo Album

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People are asking to be included. How wonderful to know you are in a relationship of Caffection!
We'd love to have a picture of you in our next musical photo album. Send them to our Caffection Marriage Equality FB page with a note about you. We plan to add a new one every month. Also if you, or someone you know, has recorded an appropriate song - as Tom Goss did, have them drop us a line as well. We intend to Celebrate Caffection! It's fantastic to be in a healthy, vibrant, commited relationship. Join us in spreading the message: Caffection -- Everyone should have the civil right to Marry.

Wallet Issues

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Jackie Mason famously said "I have enough money to last the rest of my life--unless I buy something." Joking aside, most of the world's woes seem to center around money, and specifically the lack of it. Which brings us to today's topic, and in a timely fashion, because we also address the state, and the State of California, which is on the drop edge of being flat broke, as in insolvent. Why bring this up just now? California has also recently (infamously) reasserted the discriminatory stance of marginalizing an entire segment of their population. This got us to wondering how much it costs to have all those county clerks processing all those marriage licenses. Bear with me here. It costs $45.00 to get married in California. Now the document, even with all its seals, stamps and other froo-frah, likely costs a buck, tops. So $44.00 of the cost is clerical--overhead on the courthouse, the clerk's time, various recorder's times, and perhaps a bit of time for someone to file things nice and neat. There were 225,700 marriage licenses issued in California in 2007. Tot that up, and it equals about $10,000,000. Not a lot of dough. But here's the thing. If 18,000 gays married while the law was actually sane and reasonable, there's a potential for a lot more support at the county clerk's office without such obstacles as prop 8. And if gays leave California to marry, that revenue is lost, gone, adios. And that doesn't mention catering fees.

Memorial Day

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This memorial day weekend, let's all take a few minutes and think about what the day means to us here in America, and indeed what it means to be an American. Memorial Day was set aside originally to honor fallen troops of the American Civil War. Prior to that, wars had been fought for land, for women, for money, for the simple projection of power. Our Civil War was the first war in history fought for an idea. That idea, our 'National Creed', that, 'all men are created equal', is such a simple, powerful message that its implication has generated numerous additional, albeit less bloody and destructive civil wars continuing to the present day.
So here's what it means to us to be an American: it means recognizing that the single most powerful word in our National Creed is this--ALL. Until everyone is able to embrace that word, to understand that ALL means what it says, our civil wars will go on toward that more perfect union we aspire to be. So let's also memorialize those--Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Harvey Milk, Margaret Sanger, and all others who devoted their lives to that single, powerful word--ALL. And enjoy your holiday.

Who Am I

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We all wonder who we are at some point in our lives. Right now many people wonder why we're so far left of center. We know we're just doing what we're supposed to do. Even our initials tell us to be who we are (Byron Edgington Mariah Edgington)
So who are you & why are you here today? What's your big why?
We're blessed to have great friends who encourage us to take a stand for marriage and for all equality.

Don't read this...

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...unless you feel as we do that too often people ignore the shabby treatment and dismissive attitude toward others who happen to be different. We have this conversation a lot, and there never seems to be an answer: why do we feel it's necessary to get involved in certain issues, when it would be far easier to go to work, come home, eat dinner, punch the remote for our only exercise of the day, and go to bed--then do it all again the next day? Why can't we do that? Is it vanity on our part, the need to be in front of the crowd, visible, be 'in attendance'? Or is it because we sense how much we've been given, and since we took the lesson learned at our mothers' knee to heart, to give back in equal measure?
So don't read this...unless you learned that lesson, too. Here's one reason we persist in light of all the obstacles toward a day when marriage equality is reality: we're all different, and different is good. And marriage is a celebration of all that and more.

Congratulations Maine!

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Another day to celebrate Caffection Married to My Best Friend!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood in New England today. We commend Gov Baldacci and the Maine senate for their stand on civil rights . With the New Hampshire Marriage Equality Bill on Governor John Lynch's desk, please send an email to let him know why equality is important to you. Exciting change is sweeping our nation, Jim and Brenda Johnson report the latest happenings in DC and we see Rhode Island continuing to march forward. It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood indeed, and love will prevail.

Peace, ALL Will Be Well

acceptance
hope
inclusion
joy
kindness
love

M
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What's in a word? The word peace means different things to different people. It's spoken in every language; Paix, Peace, Fred, Maluhia, Heiwa, Frieden, Paz, Shalom. Its description may vary from one land to the next, certainly those of us living in the US have an entirely different perception of peace than those living in the Middle East. For us, living peacefully is a must, you've read the expression ACK (always choose kind) frequently in our work. Many people we know relate to the peace/love teachings of leaders such as MLK (1929-1968), Gandhi (1869-1948), Christ (0-36), Buddha (563bc-483bc). They want what we want, to be accepted and included. It's a very simple concept. To Love and be Loved. Fully and Unconditionally. In a relationship recoginzed easily by the one word which defines it: MARRIAGE.