Wallet Issues

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Jackie Mason famously said "I have enough money to last the rest of my life--unless I buy something." Joking aside, most of the world's woes seem to center around money, and specifically the lack of it. Which brings us to today's topic, and in a timely fashion, because we also address the state, and the State of California, which is on the drop edge of being flat broke, as in insolvent. Why bring this up just now? California has also recently (infamously) reasserted the discriminatory stance of marginalizing an entire segment of their population. This got us to wondering how much it costs to have all those county clerks processing all those marriage licenses. Bear with me here. It costs $45.00 to get married in California. Now the document, even with all its seals, stamps and other froo-frah, likely costs a buck, tops. So $44.00 of the cost is clerical--overhead on the courthouse, the clerk's time, various recorder's times, and perhaps a bit of time for someone to file things nice and neat. There were 225,700 marriage licenses issued in California in 2007. Tot that up, and it equals about $10,000,000. Not a lot of dough. But here's the thing. If 18,000 gays married while the law was actually sane and reasonable, there's a potential for a lot more support at the county clerk's office without such obstacles as prop 8. And if gays leave California to marry, that revenue is lost, gone, adios. And that doesn't mention catering fees.

Memorial Day

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This memorial day weekend, let's all take a few minutes and think about what the day means to us here in America, and indeed what it means to be an American. Memorial Day was set aside originally to honor fallen troops of the American Civil War. Prior to that, wars had been fought for land, for women, for money, for the simple projection of power. Our Civil War was the first war in history fought for an idea. That idea, our 'National Creed', that, 'all men are created equal', is such a simple, powerful message that its implication has generated numerous additional, albeit less bloody and destructive civil wars continuing to the present day.
So here's what it means to us to be an American: it means recognizing that the single most powerful word in our National Creed is this--ALL. Until everyone is able to embrace that word, to understand that ALL means what it says, our civil wars will go on toward that more perfect union we aspire to be. So let's also memorialize those--Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Harvey Milk, Margaret Sanger, and all others who devoted their lives to that single, powerful word--ALL. And enjoy your holiday.

Willing to DARE

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The man who goes farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.
The sure-thing boat never gets 
far from the shore.
Dale Carnegie

PDAs

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This snippet is taken from our soon to be published new book Appreciative Loving. It's part of chapter 2, in reference to public displays of affection.

'One thing we experience from people who encounter us in our public life is a sense of disbelief. Why is that? People have an automatic response to anything that challenges their perceptions and experience. We have to confess that our relationship does that, a lot. We take a fair amount of heat for our open expressions of joy in each others’ company, the simple but heartfelt expressions of love and care we use with each other, regardless of where we are or who is watching. More than once we’ve been advised to ‘get a room’ as they say.
Not to say we’re openly demonstrative to the point of indecency; that’s certainly not us. Indeed, our public interaction is quite the opposite; we elicit stares from other couples because we’re openly tender and caring, not in-your-face tactile like a couple of hormonal teens. But the reactions we elicit are a bit sad in any case. Where is it written that two adults should refrain from showing love and affection for each other? It’s been written and said too many times that the public marketplace is filled with displays of violence and abuse, and our collective response to that is quiet resignation. But if two people, especially two adults, skip along a sidewalk together, or kiss in public beyond the accepted time limit (somewhere between 2 and 2.6 seconds, near as we can figure), others become dismissive and embarrassed.'

If you've experienced such reactions, we'd like to hear about them.

Caffected Wealth

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Being in a caffected relationship you have a lot of trust in your mate. There are many kinds of wealth, which is why we commonly acknowledge: Wealth is Freedom. If you're scratching your head, wondering what are they talking about, let us elaborate a bit. A strong relationship can bring rich rewards, emotional, physical and yes, monetary. When you create a trusting bond you're able to discuss important issues and concerns more openly, without fear of retaliation or scrutiny. When you can agree on how to manage your finances together you're building a foundation of trust. Due to recent economic trends, retail therapy is becoming exposed for what it is, a substitute for genuine happiness in a relationship. It's more obvious than ever that a Caffected bond doesn't just promise wealth, it actually delivers it.

Who Am I

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We all wonder who we are at some point in our lives. Right now many people wonder why we're so far left of center. We know we're just doing what we're supposed to do. Even our initials tell us to be who we are (Byron Edgington Mariah Edgington)
So who are you & why are you here today? What's your big why?
We're blessed to have great friends who encourage us to take a stand for marriage and for all equality.

Theories

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This is an excerpt from our upcoming book, Appreciative Loving--a New Angle On An Old Idea, coming soon.

'Seeming nonsense as naming clouds can bond us in ways we haven't known since childhood. It’s all about trust. In a truly gratifying marriage we have the ability and even the impulse to act childlike, and there’s not a thing wrong with that. The chance to go back to the sandbox is very attractive at times. Appreciative Loving gives us permission to do that, and to rediscover the ease and simplicity of a time long ago when adult concerns weren’t such a burden. The ability to let go of such burdens isn’t just one of many ways to create a more harmonious atmosphere in our marriage and family life, either. It can actually extend our lives, giving us more enjoyable years with our mates. Psychologists are discovering that a long-assumed theory is likely true, that happy married people live longer, and enjoy life more every day. Theorists such as Martin Seligman in Illinois, and George Vaillant at Harvard have created a sea change in the study and treatment of mental health by focusing on the various ways we humans find to be happy, instead of concentrating treatment options on our seeming drift into unhappiness and mental dis-ease. The latter, of course, is the hallmark of the mental health profession: how to ‘cure’ a patient’s misery and mental discomfort. This concentration on the negative, the dark side of human psychology has long been what distinguished the profession, partly because diagnoses were fundable, where studies of happy patients, inextricably, are not.'
Look for Appreciative Loving soon. We'll keep you posted.

Don't read this...

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...unless you feel as we do that too often people ignore the shabby treatment and dismissive attitude toward others who happen to be different. We have this conversation a lot, and there never seems to be an answer: why do we feel it's necessary to get involved in certain issues, when it would be far easier to go to work, come home, eat dinner, punch the remote for our only exercise of the day, and go to bed--then do it all again the next day? Why can't we do that? Is it vanity on our part, the need to be in front of the crowd, visible, be 'in attendance'? Or is it because we sense how much we've been given, and since we took the lesson learned at our mothers' knee to heart, to give back in equal measure?
So don't read this...unless you learned that lesson, too. Here's one reason we persist in light of all the obstacles toward a day when marriage equality is reality: we're all different, and different is good. And marriage is a celebration of all that and more.

mothers desire

Each mom wants her child to be accepted, not rejected by our world. Acknowledged for what they have to offer, not ridiculed by society. Every mom wants her child to find someone to share their life with, to love openly and to be welcomed. Happy Mother's Day to all moms.
Share this video with every mom who looks forward to the day when all children are celebrated.

Be Who You Are

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Any who know us realize, what Mariah and I have is such a wonderful, soul-satisfying relationship that we've been led to share the feelings and the manifold facets of this marriage with everyone. We've wrestled with the tendency to keep it to ourselves, stay in the background, and 'behave ourselves' around family and friends. But that's not who we are, and we must be true to ourselves.
Just like our LGBT friends, who feel compelled every day to hide who they truly are, we finally say enough. Enough duplicity, embarrassment and shame. The world needs more people to stand up and announce who they are, and what they believe.

Sunrise

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The point of power is always in the present moment. Louise L. Hay

Congratulations Maine!

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Another day to celebrate Caffection Married to My Best Friend!

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood in New England today. We commend Gov Baldacci and the Maine senate for their stand on civil rights . With the New Hampshire Marriage Equality Bill on Governor John Lynch's desk, please send an email to let him know why equality is important to you. Exciting change is sweeping our nation, Jim and Brenda Johnson report the latest happenings in DC and we see Rhode Island continuing to march forward. It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood indeed, and love will prevail.

Community

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People ask us why we are so involved in affirming healthy, vibrant relationships, and even though we're somewhat used to it, and even expect it, the question always catches us by surprise. "Why?" they say. "What's in it for you?"
Here's the truth of it: we have a relationship that can't be described in words, only in actions toward each other. We, too, have felt the glare of judgmental elements in society telling us with their looks, gestures and body language, that we're too open, too demonstrative in our love for each other. We've been encouraged--strongly at times--to tone it down, behave, be considerate of others' discomfort at our open affection and simple joy at being with each other. And when we look at our gay and lesbian friends we see the exact same thing--a society that disdains their open affection, their public disclosure of love for each other, their disregard for others' discomfort.

Peace, ALL Will Be Well

acceptance
hope
inclusion
joy
kindness
love

M
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caffection.com
What's in a word? The word peace means different things to different people. It's spoken in every language; Paix, Peace, Fred, Maluhia, Heiwa, Frieden, Paz, Shalom. Its description may vary from one land to the next, certainly those of us living in the US have an entirely different perception of peace than those living in the Middle East. For us, living peacefully is a must, you've read the expression ACK (always choose kind) frequently in our work. Many people we know relate to the peace/love teachings of leaders such as MLK (1929-1968), Gandhi (1869-1948), Christ (0-36), Buddha (563bc-483bc). They want what we want, to be accepted and included. It's a very simple concept. To Love and be Loved. Fully and Unconditionally. In a relationship recoginzed easily by the one word which defines it: MARRIAGE.

Continous Love

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I marry you, morning by morning, day by day, night by night…
John Ciardi