Appreciating Housework

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It's true, you can find fun ways to keep your relationship vibrant. Soon you'll enjoy making the mudane household tasks interesting with these simple ideas. Next time you're putting the laundry away leave a shmily note in a sock or in a coffee cup when unloading the dishwasher. The anticipation of their expression when it's found, makes it worth the wait. Making the ordinary, extraordinary with a smiley-faced breakfast or fixing their favorite meal for no reason at all.
Imagine making housework fun or even sexy! iVillage recently released a survey with results which reveal how sharing chores can build a relationship. Everyone loves to be appreciated and acknowledged. Alisa Bowman has a very clever thought, make housework a new kind of foreplay
to encourage chore-sharing. Finding new ways to show appreciative loving is just a google away. Coming up 7th (in over 4 million sites) marriage suite 101 brings us these insights from author Genna Cockerham.

Fun in Your Great Long-Term Relationship

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Coming to your wedding in comfy shoes is a great start to any marriage. Life's too short to get married in tight shoes. Find fun ways to celebrate your love every single day. Just like Tracey & Conrad, (the couple in the shoes above) and Jill & Kevin, (check out their wedding dance (video) realize, life's not a dress rehearsal; it's the real thing. Our friends at What Happy Couples Do discuss the value of creating distinct rituals only the two of you share, and we whole-heartedly agree. We frequently blog on the importance of the bonding aspect of your relationship.

Though this seems intuitive, many people don't routinely do what we've come to call "Appreciative Loving". We've found when we take the time to appreciate and acknowledge the small things we do for each other, our relationship blooms. The more you give, the more you receive. It's very cool, it's fun, and it will enrich your relationship.
As Denise Quinlan notes in her recent article, "Positive relationships support development and learning, and they make us happy in the long-term." Building your relationship based on love, respect and trust will assure you a life-long, strong bond.
We've also enjoyed finding friends who share our appreciative loving concept. Couples who support this idea are positive people who enjoy building each other up. They surround themselves with other couples who do this as well, thus creating a circle of friends of Caffection.

The Marriage Pavlov, Reinforce the Good

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Being a happy couple is part of life, when you choose it. We choose a positive outlook on life every single day and with that comes the choice to be married to our best friend. We say it over and over, both in actions and in words. "I love you." "Thank you for being mine." "Thank you for being so good to me." "I love being with you." The list goes on and on. We understand the value of focusing on the good things, and we know what we focus on expands.
An amazing thing occurred once we began the ritual of "catching" each other enriching our caffection, we started complimenting each other often. This had a snowball effect, the more we gave, the more we received. The marriage Pavlov on steroids, positive enforcement of a wonderful thing: Caffection! Try it. You'll be surprised how quickly being positive becomes the rule, not the exception. You'll enjoy a new dynamic in your relationship just by paying each other compliments.
Soon you'll have a positive outlook on life and you'll be so proud of it!

Create a Reading Ritual

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Book reading groups are a great way to bind us in marriage. It's intuitive that, when two people spend time together doing intimate things, they tend to require more of that experience. Reading together is a fairly intimate way to spend time, given that one purpose of reading something is to share it with someone. Plus, if we can learn a lot from the subject matter someone reads, it stands to reason that a mate's choice of books gives us an intimate look at who they are. These days, too, with the rising cost of doing anything, or going anywhere, and the limits placed on our pocketbooks, a reading group just makes sense. They are, after all, free. There are a number of these on-line reading groups available, with names like Shelfari, and GoodReads, ReadingGroupChoices etc. These groups offer all sorts of interesting, engaging ideas for married couples. My wife and I are enrolled at GoodReads, for instance. GoodReads has a dazzling display of book offerings, from literally thousands of books to read, commentary about most of them, some from expert reviewers, some from novices such as us, and a five star rating system. The site has a newsletter, a portal that allows us to track the books we've read, and another to finally record those we've always wanted to read but keep forgetting, even while we're standing in the library surrounded by books.
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Good Reads

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One of our favorite pastimes is reading. We recently became reacquainted with a website which helps us track the books we've read. A friend recommended Goodreads to us last year. Now instead of saying, "We really should write down the books we've read." We say, "Did you put that on "Goodreads?" If you're readers like we are, you'll enjoy it too. Let us know what you're reading, or better yet add Caffection as a Goodread friend. See you there.

HAPPY OCTOBER!

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A chill in the air and leaves dropping off the trees signals it's time to get ready for winter. Fall is a good time to work together to get the many items done to prepare the house & yard for the oncoming winter. The tasks at hand tend to be routine and sometimes burdensome, however creating a new ritual out of it can lighten the load and make fall something to look forward to each year. This year we're discussing what color to paint the house in the spring, be sure to let us know if you have any suggestions.
And send along any fall rituals you look forward to as well.

The Correct Route

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Is there a correct route? In life there are many ways to get from point A to point B. We've all known people who take the scenic route a.k.a. the long way 'round to get launched. Many of us were such kids and now we have kids of our own who insist on doing things their way, not paying much heed to our sage advice. Though finding our own way is truly a big part of life's journey. But how do we let go and let them carve their own path?
Much of it comes from trust, trusting the values you demonstrated will be sufficient.
Our kids absorbed our core values by watching us live them daily, just as we did with our families, good or bad. Now our children have to make their own way, their own mistakes and successes. Admittedly, it is hard to watch them take a step in what we feel is the wrong direction. Then again, what is the right direction? Understanding that there are many roads to travel, and though the path we took may be right for us, it may not be right for them. Beyond trusting ourselves to have parented well enough along the way, being there to listen, encourage, and yes lend a hand financially when we can, will bring some peace of mind.
Now, as an empty nest couple, preparing for the potential potholes will make the transition much smoother. You may find it helpful to explore your own past before launching into a discussion with your mate. Often, we need to understand our own feelings; what detours did you take that made you stronger, did you resent your parents/family/friends for their advice, are you guiding your kids based on old theory or real knowledge?
Once you've sorted through your personal feelings, discuss this together, giving each other uninterrupted time to speak. If you find part of the discussion anxiety-provoking, taking a walk while talking allows excess energy to be burnt in a positive way. Keep in mind this is new territory for both of you, unexpected fears and anxieties will surface, be as honest and open as you can. There isn't a right, wrong, or exact path that must be followed on this empty nest journey, the less strident you are, the easier it will be to navigate.
Make this a fun time, create new rituals, explore new places, take time to pamper each other. Enjoy your empty nest and all the freedoms it allows you.

Self-Denial & Marriage

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Once in a while the opportunity arises to think of our spouse instead of ourselves. These fleeting chances don’t come along very often, but when they do, and if we grab them, the warm and fuzzy feeling it infuses in our marriage makes it worth whatever the cost. Here are a few examples of events and opportunities we can look for to deny our own needs and wants inside our relationship, and to enhance the quality of our marriage with very little effort.

We’ve heard for years that role reversal can be a distressing thing, that when we step outside our assigned spot we invite all manner of disruption and discord. But what if we made the reversal something of a routine, thereby lessening its impact? Say we take turns cooking, or making grocery rounds, or even getting the car, lawn mower, furnace and/or air conditioner serviced. None of those items require a specific gender marker, and our mate will be astonished if we step outside ourselves, get over whatever squeamishness we may have about any of the tasks listed above and, as the ad says, “Just do it!” The look on their face will be priceless.

Ask them what they wish we’d stop doing. This one’s tough; we have to be able to listen--we did ask, after all--and what they tell us may not be easy to hear. But they’ll appreciate the gesture, and my guess is, that every couple has things they’d like to discuss with each other about minor irritants (or not so minor). My other guess is that we already know the answer, and we’re just getting them to confirm what we suspect. In any case, the conversation is always helpful, just for the communication if nothing else. Plus, then you get to tell them something!

Don’t be afraid to solicit advice and ideas from close friends. Since we started our marriage website, my wife and I have been amazed at the number of couples who seem almost embarrassed to celebrate their marriage. This self-consciousness about being together is pervasive, and, we believe, corrosive to relationships. Asking others what works for them in terms of rituals, time together, bonding and communicating may elicit stares and stammering from other couples, but it may produce some gems, too. We’ve been pleasantly surprised at our seminars at the great ideas couples have for sharing their love and commitment to each other. The other gratifying thing we’ve learned is that couples with similar values, views, and energy levels attract each other. And it works both ways: negative, acerbic couples seem to enjoy sharing their harsh view of the world; positive, upbeat couples hang with those who share their optimistic, positive view.

Some years ago Carly Simon sang about ‘Anticipation’. The song was atop the charts for several weeks, and is still heard from time to time. It’s likely that no single effort endears people to each other more in relationships than the simple act of anticipating the others’ needs. Many times I’ve been able to enjoy the look on my wife’s face when, as she enters our home after work, the exact meal she hoped would be on the table actually is there waiting for her. It’s moments like these that make a marriage endure. And it’s all about anticipation. In addition, the effort seems to be not only contagious, it also appears to be self-perpetuating. Call it marital telepathy: the more we anticipate our partner’s needs and wants, the easier it is to do the same next time. After awhile it seems to come naturally, like reading each other’s minds. It can get downright eerie after a string of such occurrences. Any number of times my wife and I have experienced a similar urge to call each other with specific information, prepared a favorite meal we knew they’d want, or made arrangements to see or do something to please them--well before they asked for it. This could be a rather subjective method of determining the potential for longevity in a marriage: after a year, see how well the pair reads the others’ thoughts, and judge from that. Instead of the newlywed game, call it perhaps the first anniversary game instead, at which time the exercise can be performed, and a score tallied.

Finally, not so much self-denial as distraction-denial--kids, television, computers, Wii, hobbies, yard work, tasks of all sorts that can wait--these are the things that need to be secondary to a relationship. These are the things that our mate, our best friend, may want us to put aside, but be hesitant to ask for. Willingness to put them first is always a win-win. Here’s the deal: if we’d put those things aside for our best friend--then we should do it that much sooner for our mate.

Rituals in Marriage: Couple Glue for the two of you.

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“At the core, what rituals do is, they give you a sense of history, predictability, playfulness or something to look forward to.”
Dr. Carol Bruess, author of What Happy Couples Do.

Everyone has rituals whether they realize it or not. Married couples have a lot of rituals, and they act as a kind of glue that holds the union intact, even in good times. Maybe especially in good times. The word ritual in fact, has the same root as the word rite, which is the act that makes us married people in the first place. From Latin ‘ritus’ via middle English for descriptions of ceremonies, the word has a long history with communities and couples. It also gave us the word arithmetic, originally meaning to count, or pronounce noteworthy. From the Encyclopedia Brittanica “Ritual is a specific, observable mode of behavior exhibited by all known societies. It is thus possible to view ritual as a way of defining or describing humans.”
All known societies. That means all of us. In marriage, though, the rituals of our daily interaction describe not just the initiation or onset of a new status or identification, but an ongoing behavior that almost identifies us to each other. Think of the Newlywed Game TV show many years ago. Those young, or not so young, couples were asked to identify behaviors of their mates. Then the recently off-stage mate was asked to identify with those behaviors. It was interesting to note how many times couples got it wrong, meaning that one or the other didn’t recognize a ritual as such. Over time, those people will see more clearly the ways those behaviors impact their mate and the relationship.

Rituals run the gamut from heartwarming to irritating, and everything in between. Some define roles in the relationship: he takes out the trash; she irons clothes, or the other way around. In some marriages he decides on vehicle matters; she defines the house and its contents. He might organize the vacation, while she sets up child care and the kennel.
But the rituals that truly matter in a relationship are the fun, romantic, bonding behaviors that are like the DNA of the marriage. Call it couple glue. Here’s a list of wonderful rituals gathered over many years. They’re loving, fun, even fascinating snippets of creative outreach between people fortunate enough to be deeply in love with their mates, regardless of the number of years together. And the exhilarating part is, they’re available for use by everyone.

Love notes--the old standby. Leave them everywhere, and at random. They don’t have to be extensive. In fact, shorter is better. Forget Twitter--write something.

A single flower goes a long way.

Be on the lookout for casual announcements from your mate such as “I’d sure like to...” Make that happen, and you’re the most romantic spouse on earth.

After ‘hello’, say something uplifting and complimentary. “Have I told you lately that I adore you?” is far better than “Did you remember to cancel the paper?” Make it a ritual.
Whisper. It’s incredibly romantic, and it drives the kids nuts. Great ritual.

Home from work, just snuggle in complete silence for long minutes.

Anticipate chores they hate, and do them ahead of time. This is love in action.

Nicnames may sound silly, but they identify you. ‘Goofball, Fred, Betty, snuggle-butt, sexpot, honey-bear, there are a thousand of them, a million maybe.

Remember their parents’ anniversaries/birthdays/death dates/red letter days.

Two words: Chocolate and Port.

Call them out of the blue.

Carve your initials in a tree. Yes, inside a heart.

Guys--open her car door for her. Old fashioned? Sure, that’s the point.

Women--talk him up. Men simply love it when wives brag, especially if it’s true.

Never share a mate’s deficiencies with anyone.

Guys--listen.

Women--tell your mate what you want.

Guys--no teasing, about anything.

Women--no criticizing, just pose ‘opportunities to improve’.


Select a keyword. Use it for ‘rescue me’, or ‘I need you to listen’, or ‘I’d rather not invite the Johnsons to dinner because they snipe at each other’. Keywords are handy. My wife and I use ‘fascinating’, as in, ‘The Johnsons are fascinating people, dear’. Guess who doesn’t get invited? Another, somewhat more exciting keyword can signal a desire for sex. The secret there is that every couple has one of these already whether they acknowledge it or not.

Maybe the best ritual of all is to simply show gratitude for everything your mate does. Marriage isn’t all sweetness and light, after all. It involves the interaction of two people who will have two different styles in everything from money to sex to clutter, to child-rearing. The best way to steer clear of petty clashes and irritation about those stylistic differences is to find something positive about the issue at hand, and be grateful for the way your mate handles it. Gratitude goes a long way to soothing upsets. It’s a good ritual to acquire in any marriage.

Rituals are such a critical part of relationships it’s good to identify the ones that define ours. Everyone has them; everyone needs them. It may even be more important to identify those which cause us irritation and discomfort over time--the way dirty clothes are left around, closets in disarray, those after dinner retreats to the den, leaving dirty dishes. Those are rituals, too. They may hold us together in ways we didn’t anticipate, minor irritations that we mention to friends in negative ways. In that regard we ought to turn them around, insert positives in their place, and reap the reward of their impact on the relationship. Couple glue should be warm and bonding. Great rituals can help make that happen.

Empty Nest

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Filling the empty nest: Nurturing each other post-child rearing. (For ezine.com 8/24/09)

The house even sounds empty, doesn’t it? You walk in and your footfall seems to echo; the sounds of the refrigerator clanking on startles you with its suddenness; imaginary kid sounds emanate from empty upstairs rooms. Pictures on the mantel stare back, and you remember when they were that age, and marvel at quickly time has passed. You miss your children: the laughter in the house; the hum of their constant presence; the palpable sensation that they are there, and that they need you. They were job one for as long as you can recall. Now they’re gone, and you miss them.
But there’s something else you miss. You miss each other; the easy interaction before the kids came along; the ability to throw a change of clothes and a toothbrush in a bag, jump in the car, tear away to New York, or San Francisco, or Kansas City for a long weekend, and never even think about the house, or pets, or kids. It was so easy, and you took for granted that it always would be. All you needed was a little cash, and a roadmap, and you were perfectly content.
But it goes deeper than that, doesn’t it? Admit it; you miss each other. The years of looking after the kids, being there for them whenever they needed you 24/7, always, always aware of their needs, presence, attachment, and care really did get between the two of you. Admit it. It happens to all of us. For long years we live for our kids.
And then one day they’re gone, off to school, careers, wives and husbands of their own, and you’re left with each other, almost strangers. And it happens so fast, almost like a whirlwind, that it can take your breath away. The real fear is that it has taken you away. Away from the one person you’ve shared the burden of child rearing with, the one person whom you miss even more than the kids.

Well, those people are still around, just a bit older, wiser, and equally curious about what happened to those two lovers who used to jump in the car and drive five hundred miles on a whim, have friends over till 2 a.m. playing Trivial Pursuit, or make love in the middle of the afternoon, blissfully carefree and unconcerned that you’d be interrupted. That’s the good news, you see? You now have that back again, and more, once you reorganize around the two of you, and let the kids go, because they’re already gone.
Today’s empty nesters have an advantage our parents didn’t have: once we get our kids out the door, launched and successful, we can easily be looking at another thirty years child free. Years of introducing ourselves to each other all over again; years of getting to know our spouses in ways we never could have imagined. We’re different people now, to be sure, and that’s very good news. We are, as indicated above, older, wiser, and even more exciting, we’re more interesting people. When we first met the spark of romance, of curiosity about the other was powerful. Not to mention the physical attraction, which seemed to overshadow everything else at times. Now we’re a lot more knowledgeable about the world, steeped in perspective, sure of ourselves, and confident. Plus, for most people, we have a lot more disposable income with the kids gone. And, if we’re willing to look at it objectively, that’s a much sexier, more appealing package than when we first met and all we had between us was perhaps a backpack full of books and our ambition to change the world.
Once the world has changed us, and the kids go away, here are a few ways to regain the connection we once enjoyed. Here are a few suggestions to reconnecting with your mate.

1 Set up a date. Call each other up, meet at a fine restaurant, and instead of going home, spend the night together at a hotel. Take the time to map out a real plan, a strategy for the next year or so concerning your goals and ambitions. It’s possible that neither of you even remembered the dream of living in Shanghai, teaching English, the fantasy you laughed about in college. You could rent the house, sign up with an agency and truly do that. Why not? At least talk it out. Talk about your money goals: you really could acquire a rental property, especially in this economy, and have it for income and a tax break. Talk about your plan for keeping the kids from returning home. No kidding, the boomerangers can disrupt even the best laid plans. Talk about what you’ll do if one of them can’t find work, and asks to come home. It could happen. It does happen.

2 Find a charity you both support, and make it your shared passion. There are fine organizations out there that need your help*. Get online and research one or two, then make a goal of helping. You were filled with an altruistic impulse years ago; rediscover that, and make it a shared commitment. One charity we support is Kiva.org, a fine group that allows you to bankroll women in third world countries with microcredit so they can establish a business of their own. There are no middlemen, the system works wonderfully well to elevate women in their society, and they even pay you back! There are many charities you and your spouse can help, and they’ll help you in return.

3 If you’re able to, take off for a year and travel. Friends of ours did this with a camper they converted, stocked, and drove all over the United States. Then they wrote about it. Their book ‘Live Your Road Trip Dream: Travel for a Year for the Cost of Staying Home’, by Phil and Carol White** chronicles their journey, and is filled with useful information on how to make it happen for yourself. Don’t have a year? Take the summer. Take a month. The idea is to get to know each other again, and reconnect. Done right, it can be a revelation.

4 Radical ideas may be the best ones. After all, this ain’t a dress rehearsal, as they say. Do you need all that house? If you find yourself asking why you have all that room to bang around in, why not sell it and move in to something smaller? Sure, the market is lousy, but who knows when it’ll get better? Besides, a seller becomes a buyer, and there are a lot of bargains out there. If you buy right, you may be better off. The real plus in this idea is the opportunity to clean out closets, shed a few thousand knick-knacks you’ve been wanting to dump, and to consolidate the artifacts of your life into a meaningful collection. Do you really want to keep that lava lamp? The yard sale could finance the microcredit loan to Kiva.

5 Just talk to each other again. Turn off the TV, the computer, the iPhones. Ignore the doorbell. Let the answering machine get the calls. Disappear into a shell for days at a time.
6 Take dance lessons. Join a travel club. Take classes together, either on campus or on line. Start a collection of something--art, glassware, old train sets, artifacts from your wedding year, autographs of authors or movie stars. First editions. Signed first editions. Write a book together. Start an empty-nesters club for recipes, dinners, plays, movies, sports activities, or the charity you picked. Start an investment club. There are an unlimited number of ways for you to rediscover a shared passion: your marriage, and each other.
The nest is only empty of kids, and it suddenly has a whole lot more room. This is your chance to nurture each other, and to start enjoying that nest egg you’ve been building.


*Try charitynavigator.org to check on every aspect of an organization, and to find worthwhile causes.
**©Copyright 2004 Phil and carol White

What Color is Your Soul?

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A question not often pondered, but consider it for a moment if you will. Where does that one simple question take you? First you may drift to the color charts of your mind. Is it really that simple, after all what is a soul? An extension of our deepest self that reflects our truest feelings? A spiritual entity within?
What color is your soul? Does this color include an appreciation for the many areas of your life for which you're grateful? Is the color warm or cool just now? Will it reflect the hope you have for the future or carry the weight of past sorrows? How wonderful to be present, allowing your true colors to shine brightly as an affirming light, for the ones you love the most and the ones watching from afar.
What color would you like the world to see?

New Tradition

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History has shown us the way forward in every struggle. Not long ago in this country slavery was a 'tradition', property ownership exclusively by men was a 'tradition', child labor was a 'tradition', miscegenation laws were a 'tradition'. So when people fall back on tradition to continue supporting certain social injustices, it's time to take a closer look and move past the shackles of 'tradition'. What gets in our way is usually fear; fear of change, fear of social disapproval; fear of the unknown. Making solid, vibrant, healthy, CAFFECTED relationships the new tradition is one of our visions. Allow others to watch you interact in positive affirming ways. Compliment one antoher, hold hands, smile, 'make eyes' at each other. Enjoy! Caffection is fun.

My Journal to You

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We've talked many times about using rituals to keep your bond strong. The first time we blogged about "JATS" June 21, 2008 we received some curious doubt. "Do you really write to each other in bed?" Well, yes, we do. It affirms our love. The romance continues. Try it, you'll like it.

The Kids

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Many relationships struggle when the kids leave home. It's true, after building your life with them as the center, their departure will cause disruption in the ebb & flow of your days. We suggest going back to the basics of rituals when a couple asks how to rebuild what they once had. As we've learned from our friends at What Happy Couples Do, people in great relationships use rituals to build closer ties.

Summer Outtings

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Today we were asked & attended a picnic. We enjoyed the company of some new friends who understand life is all about being who you really are. Knowing that you're here to support one another and make the campsite a little nicer when you leave.
When we accept that judging others isn't something we're required to do, it frees up a lot of time. Time to create new rituals in your own relationship, time to focus on fun and each other, time to meet new people and create life long friendships. Summer fun! Enjoy.

Financial Challenges in Tough Times

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Many people are facing financial challenges at this time. The brutal winds which have shuttered numerous corporations and small businesses affect all of us. Being down-sized, having benefits cut or losing a home or business can stress any relationship, no matter how strong. Caffected couples aren't immune.
We're facing a significant unexpected expense that has caused some sleepless nights and juggling of numbers. It's also caused us to prioritize and cut back on non-necessities. Since we know others are facing such uncertainty, we've decided to share tips we've heard from Caffected couples across the nation on ways to hunker down, fight the financial storm and bond together.
* Be as transparent as possible, bad news usually doesn't get better by hiding it
*Go to each other, not outsiders, with concerns
*Acknowledge your successes, sandwich your discussions Good/bad/Good
*Remember you ARE on the same side, if tension mounts...take a break
*ACK (always choose kind), see above
*Focus on options, if you're sinking financially, consider professional guidance
*Pamper each other to relieve stress, a bath with candles & music or a massage (with no sexual strings attached) will go a very long way in saying, "I Love You"
*Listen & ask for clarification if you don't understand, being heard is important
*Be compassionate, lean on each other for strength
*Hold hands
*Take a walk
*Touch each other
*Write a note telling your lover what you appreciate about them
*Share a mutual dream..."When we get through this tough time, we'll go to Paris!"

It's what we do with and to each other during the storm that will determine our outcome on the other side of it. Love fully, smile as often as you can, know your love can and will endure this difficult time. Most of all be proud of the wonderful relationship the two of you have created. We're glad you're Caffected and we're proud of you!

Choose Your Life

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We have a calling to train couples to celebrate their solid relationships with affirmations and rituals. It's very exciting to know you can choose your attitude and your life! How wonderful to be in a forever relationship with the one you love the most.
An important part of a caffected relationship is making time for each other, not just the leftover pieces of your day. 'Quality time' is a cliche, but there's a particle of truth to it. Love requires positive energy management to not only sustain itself, but to grow and prosper.
Creating rituals helps you focus your time and energy on your mate, your best friend! Making time for your best friend lets them know just how important they are to you.
Imagine being able to be with the one special person who knows your secrets, knows your foibles, fears, aspirations. The one you'd want sharing your space, your kitchen, your car, your bed, your living and dining room, your romantic interludes, your life? If you're nodding your head right now, you are caffected. We applaud your commitment!
Be sure to use this recipe to keep your love fresh & vibrant: Combine fun, nurturing, patience, understanding, appreciation, support, respect. Knead well. Rich rewards are in store. Enjoy.

Who Am I

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We all wonder who we are at some point in our lives. Right now many people wonder why we're so far left of center. We know we're just doing what we're supposed to do. Even our initials tell us to be who we are (Byron Edgington Mariah Edgington)
So who are you & why are you here today? What's your big why?
We're blessed to have great friends who encourage us to take a stand for marriage and for all equality.

Journaling to Affirm

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It's true that we've written volumes to each other over the years, most of which has taken place in the most unlikely spot...our bed. The Journal Across The Sheets (JATS) has served many purposes during our 106+ month marriage. Our JATS has allowed us to jot things down before spouting off, log observations about current affairs, share goofy moments that happened during our day, ramble on about kids, work, or relatives without even talking. Just the activity of putting pen to paper helps us work through some issues in our own mind. This seems to make less of the problem before we even mention it. This alone is beneficial. But the real benefit is that we know there isn't anything we can't share with each other. That's a big part of being married to your best friend. There's no daylight between us, no secrets, no hidden agenda. Just you + me = WE. Actually, we've found the more random 'stuff' we write about, the closer we've become. If you're wondering if that's all we JATS about? It's true, the bulk of our writing is just 'stuff', but make no mistake, it IS written in bed by two adults who respect, honor and adore each other in the best Caffected relationship possible. Do you know a couple who seemed to suddenly, out of the blue, crumble on the rocks, their marriage foundering without any explanation or warning? It's possible a journal such as our JATS may have prevented their unforeseen marital catastrophe. These days with so much electronic & other interference in our lives, writing to each other seems quaint, almost naive. But if it works to keep people together in the quiet of their bedroom, it's more than worth the effort. And who knows what may happen after you put the pen down?

Marriage Rituals

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We often ask people what rituals they have. Things such as license plates for their cars, wine glasses they always drink from, special treats they get each other often. Many give us a confused stare, followed by a bit of dancing around the topic when we explain ourselves in greater detail. But usually most couples do have rituals they enjoy, and we'd like to have everyone send us a couple of theirs so we can compile a Caffected Couples Ritual list. We'd love to have you send pictures too!