Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Rainbows in our Midst

Dad died two years ago today. Doesn't seem possible, but there it is. The picture above was taken 2 years ago tomorrow morning. The story is simple, and a bit saccharine, perhaps, but it still makes us tear up and smile at the revelation. We'd not seen a rainbow since leaving Kauai in the Spring. On the island, rainbows are a daily occurrence. They're so common that perhaps we took them for granted. We hope that's not the case, but sometimes we have beauty in our midst and look right through it, until someone points it out to us.
All summer, as dad battled with cancer, improved, had a setback, bounced back again, then seemed to stabilize, we went about our routine of caring for him, being there, attending his needs the best we could. But no rainbows. The usual amount of rain, but nothing resembling a rainbow.
September 30th 2006, dad had really been struggling, too weak even to leave his bed. Every breath was ragged, laborious. Finally, at three in the afternoon, he resigned himself to death, and was gone. We bade him goodbye, made necessary phone calls, and prepared a burial per dad's instructions.
The next morning we woke to a mottled sky, with a cloud bank in the west, a shimmer of glistening rainfall, and a glorious double rainbow. Our first since Hawaii. It could not have come at a better time. Beauty is all around us. Let's resolve to take a deep breath every now and then, stop our busyness, silence our frantic minds, and look for the rainbow that's surely there.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Hanging Out With Your Best Friend

Do you routinely celebrate monthly anniversaries, have your own language or know secrets about each other no one else knows?
It's fun to create your own unique rituals, and even more fun to let the whole world know you're married to your best friend. When you're around another caffected couple, be sure to give them some positive feedback. Pass it on!

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Cruising Into Fall

Hard to believe it's fall once again. A great season with a lot going on. Be sure to spend as much time as you can with your best friend, taking full advantage of the beautiful weather. Just going anywhere or nowhere can be fun with your mate. Create new rituals, such as celebrating your anniversary in months {happy 102 honey}. Many people we talk to realize how priceless being married to their best friend is. They begin to acknowledge this huge success and revel in the fact that being Caffected is an elite status. So take some time today, go for a drive, a walk or just sit quietly together and celebrate the great company. You are worth it!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

True Caffections


A picture is worth at least a thousand words

Friday, September 26, 2008


The term lover is a rather odd one when you think about it. Odd, because choosing to live with someone, and share a life with them, including all the up down sideways and across that makes a life these days, it would seem odd indeed to share all that with someone you just 'liked'. But when someone refers to their lover, it connotes a secretive, clandestine 'other', a person under wraps from a spouse, and not discussed.
We call each other lover all the time, and it's understood in no uncertain terms that we mean each other. Caffection is like that; we're lovers in every way there is, joined at the heart, with no daylight between us. They said it would last six months. That was ten years ago, so perhaps they were right. It has lasted six months, plus another 96 into the bargain. Lovers are odd people. We really do see only each other, think about each other, sleep and wake up with each other. Very odd. And exhilarating. And satisfying. And the way a marriage should be. And that's not odd. That's even. Even better than it appears. Got Caffection?

Thursday, September 25, 2008


In spite of what many people in this country think, there's a lot more that binds us than divides us. And the links that bring us together on most contentious issues are easy to cross, and two-way streets. Caffection is another word for the link that two people use all the time to not only recognize differences, but to use them wisely for a deeper understanding of who they are as individuals. No two people are exactly alike, not even twins. If everyone was the same the world would be a boring place indeed. A caffected couple embraces the differences, bridging them with the span of love, the arch of listening, and the strength of interweaving support. It's human nature to try to span a gulf, to cross to the other side just to see what's there. Instead of avoiding our insignificant differences, we need to explore what makes us diverse, and be prepared to expand our understanding, and lose our preconceptions. Once stretched, a mind never returns to its original size or shape. And links almost always bring us back to where we started, and to ourselves.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Affirming Caffection


Peace within our souls comes with discerning hearts. There are times in every life journey which require refocusing and announcing our values. We salute Jerry Sanders, the Mayor of San Diego.

October in Chicago

Okay, a little diversion here from the usual caffection blog, and couples-only reading. Here's to my Cubs who are headed to the playoffs! Yes, there is an October in Chicago after all. And it's time. Unless you've been hiding out with Bin Laden and his colleagues, you know it's been exactly 100 years (yes, a century) since Chicago's National League Baseball club took home a world series triumph. Sixty-two years since the Cubs appeared in a series at all. But hey, every team needs to rebuild, right?
So go Cubs, and here's the even better part: historically, with very few exceptions, when the National League wins the series, a Democrat wins the White House, when the American League wins/Republicans take it all--'52 & '56, Ike & the Yankees--'60, Kennedy & the Pirates--'64, LBJ & the Cardinals--'68, Nixon & the Tigers--'72, Nixon & Oakland--'76, Carter & the Cincinnati Reds--etc. etc.
So, go Cubs, and let's get out the vote come November. Is this a great country or what?

Monday, September 22, 2008


Here's an interesting scenario we heard discussed recently on a way of looking at things that tells a lot about how we think, and the choices we make. Take two people--one has packed a picnic lunch, a second has just planted a garden, and place them in front of a window. Looking out the window it's obvious the rain has started, and is now falling in sheets. The picnic person says, "darn it all, I was going to picnic today and enjoy myself." The garden planter says, "great, the rain arrived just in time!"
Here's the message, besides the obvious one--the rain doesn't care. It just is. The decision we make on how we react to it is entirely ours to make. It's all perspective. Think about your circle of friends and acquaintances. Who would be a picnic person, and who would be a gardener? Which one are you? And even better: who said we can't picnic in the rain?

Sunday, September 21, 2008

marriage rituals

Just when we thought perhaps we were the only caffected couple that indulges in marriage rituals, we met a young woman on the flight home from Chicago. We don't have her name, and wouldn't use it in any case, but she lives here in Columbus, her spouse is a physician, (she's an attorney on self-imposed leave for her two young kids), and the couple is definitely caffected. Here's one of their rituals. He brings her flowers every Friday so she'll have them through the weekend. Another, they've decided that since the baby is now 6 months they will hire a sitter every other Saturday evening and go on an old fashioned date. But here's the one we enjoyed most. They refer to each other as LOML's roughly, 'Lomels', meaning Love Of My Life. It gets better. When people ask where they live, they say Lomalia. And better yet: the kids? They're referred to as their two little Lomelettes. It sounds nutty, and a bit cutesy in this crusty, world-weary society, but we think it's very sweet, and it's exactly the kind of behavior we need more of.
So the two Lomalians on the East side of Columbus, we salute you, and the flag of the highly caffected state of Lomalia! Thanks for the story, and congratulations.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Economic Jitters

The economy is on everyone’s mind, of course, and we'd be remiss if we didn’t interject a bit of previously published caffectionism here. We’ve written before that a partial solution to the economic morass we find ourselves in is an expedient which at first blush seems ridiculously naive, and even a bit insensitive. We need to spend less than we earn! Okay, beat us up for being oblivious to certain realities--health care crises, job losses, unexpected natural or social disasters, the shrinking dollar. We get that, and we concede that spit happens, as they say. That’s why the safety net isn’t just a good idea; it’s a requirement in a civilized society. But the majority of Americans spend $1.05 for every $1.00 we earn! How long can this last? Here’s where the caffection part comes in. Stable, happy, caffected couples have much more control over their financial well-being than struggling, unhappy, distant couples for the simple reason that spending is very often a symptom of unhappiness, either with a partner or yourself. And it increases geometrically both ways: happy couples amass more savings, thus more security and latitude; unhappy couples spend more, lose money, save less, and have less freedom to maneuver all the time. Caffection may not reform Wall Street, but it might enhance YOUR street.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Caffection Day

October 3rd. Mark the date. Caffection.com goes live. Ready, fire aim, as they say.
It's a bit like putting your child out into the world, or watching your spouse take the stage for the first time in a couples seminar. Nervous, excited, sweaty, giddy, terrified, and absolutely certain of success.
Stay tuned.


Monday, September 15, 2008

Happily Coupled


What do these 3 couples have in common?

They like each other.
They enjoy hanging out together.
They're best friends.

We think that's grand and we're grateful for the opportunity to provide support to ALL Caffected couples.


Today the coaching sessions begin. I'm putting this down as a starting point, a reference so I can measure whatever it is I have to measure for the next three months. I have goals, and as every coach says, goals are a dream with a deadline. They must be realistic, measurable, and desirable otherwise they'll remain a fantasy in our brains, another itsy-poo fragment of a daydream we'd love to get around to...someday.
So here we go. The coaching sessions begin now, and along the way I will attain:
1) Caffection.com live, functioning, successful by 12/31/08
2) Burn The Baggage launched and successful by 03/01/09
3) The Sky Behind Me written, launched, successful by 06/01/09
Three goals; and time to get there.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Active Adults

Here's a preview of what our website, caffection.com, will list. A getaway to the island of Kauai in the Spring of 2010 for active, (caffected) adults only. This trip will be limited to a few couples looking for a getaway that pampers, excites, energizes, and satisfies. No kids; no teens; no stress; no low-expectation hotel, dinner or travel offered. Just the exotic, luxurious, different experience you expect. Budget travelers need not apply. We have the insight and experience to offer this trip to those discerning adults, because Kauai was our home for 3 years. We know what's available, where, and at what time. We know the island, and we'll provide the very best, at the level of luxury those privileged to afford this adventure expect, and deserve. But don't wait for the site to go live; we're taking reservations now, with details forthcoming. If you've done Turks & Caicos, Dubai & Ajram, The Galapagos & Baja, and are looking for another memorable experience, have your agent or secretary check with us. Limited, and luxurious. As you deserve, and expect. Mark the date---Spring 2010 on Kauai.

Saturday, September 13, 2008


Passion is a funny emotion.  It's energizing, sensitizing, alarming, and a bit frightening once you decide to cede to it.  It's also an enigma insofar as it involves total commitment disguised as complete surrender.  Human rights and marriage to one's best friend have combined to become our passion, and it feels so right to us that the fear part is quickly giving way to a very different feeling: exhilaration.  If you've ever been strapped into the front car on the Millennium Force roller coaster at Cedar Point, or the Beast at King's Island, the first hill vaults you back in your seat, your heart rate zips up, the crest gets closer, closer, no turning back, the ground falls away, the crest is clearly visible now, nothing but sky ahead as the car rattles straight up.  Then an instant in suspension where time stands still, your pulse pounds in your ears, the car seems to stop, hanging between back, and the chaos of surrender to follow.  In an instant you spill over, fall free, wind gushes, ground rushes at you, gravity vanishes, falling, falling, dizzy, crazy speed with a kaleidoscope of colors, insane forces grab you, jerk you around, on the edge of control, a giddy,hysterical feeling--of what?  Childlike joy?  That's it.  The passion of childhood, when the world was just such a ride, with no constraints, no restrictions, no self-conscious deference to gravity.  The ride screeches to a halt in the station, and you realize that for the first time in years your cheeks ache from smiling with the passion you allowed yourself.  And you want it again.
Caffection is like that: Passion for the simple idea that everyone should have what we have--everyone should be married to their best friend regardless of restrictions of the kaleidoscope of color, age, religion, or gender.  Let go; it's worth the ride.   

Friday, September 12, 2008

All aboard

California gets support from Episcopal bishops this week, as noted in 365gay.com "The bishops went on to say in the statement “We do not believe that marriage of heterosexuals is threatened by same-sex marriage. Rather, the Christian values of monogamy, commitment, love, mutual respect and witness of monogamy are enhanced for all by providing this right to gay and straight alike. Society is strengthened when two people who love each other choose to enter into marriage, engaged in a lifetime of disciplined relationship building that serves as a witness to the importance of love and commitment.” Read the full article.
We're excited to be living in a time which will see marriage for ALL. It’s good to have strong leaders stand up for equality, just as Gandhi and MLK. Speaking of marriage, we enjoyed these romantic stories and thought you may too. Carl & Rich
Portia & Ellen

Thursday, September 11, 2008


With fall & winter approaching it's easy to predict what could happen to our health & wellness regimen. You know, the one we worked so hard all summer to turn into a habit. Here's a suggestion, and a good thing to pass along to your caffected other--it takes 21 days to establish a habit, and about three days to lose it. Doesn't seem fair, but there you have it. We've decided to make one more attempt at meditation as a stress reliever/creativity source. Meditation is also proven to assist in better health, at least indirectly by lowering blood pressure, easing stress, and as an alternative to snacking. Of course if we start meditating about food, and what's for dessert, it could be a long winter.
Other suggestions for fall & winter health are welcome.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Safety Tidbits


Recently we received new credit cards to replace soon-to-be expiring ones, the instructions were to sign the back or write ask for I.D. on the back of the card. We chose ask for I.D. It worked, the store clerk asked to see our I.D. and looked at the picture to see if we matched! It's a great safety tip that works. Isn't it cool when things work the way they should and the world becomes a safer, gentler, all around better place to be. One additional note in that vein, our friends at PFLAG have a happy story of the power of love we'd like to share. Smile, shed a tear, enjoy --- life is good.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Team Effort

Before we decided to move ahead with the Caffection website we had no idea what a team effort it would turn out to be. We also had no idea how this 'team' would come together in such a serendipitous way. A webmaster came to us, several computer experts wandered into our path, graced us with their knowledge--some of which we actually retained--and then went on their way, and various artists & visionaries have appeared as if on cue. The whole adventure has been more proof that what R. Buckminster Fuller said is absolutely true. Bucky Fuller lived a life of independent thought, completely free of attachments and worry. His mantra was that whatever we need will come to us "just as it's needed, and just in the nick of time." He trusted the 'team effort' the universe provides, and lived his life accordingly. He gave away every dime he earned, allowed his mind to wander to places none had gone before, and may have been the original outside the box intellect. Fuller would have said, what box? There's no box. Our team effort, the cadre of knowledgeable individuals who magically appeared for us would have been no mystery to Fuller. The upshot of all this is that we've tried to fashion the Caffection site accordingly, with a view to interactivity, and without regard for 'convention'. When our viewers, our ongoing team sit in front of the box navigating the site, we're confident they'll find it more than worth the effort.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Book Review Monday

Monday again, and this week we take a look at a wonderful little book by Debbie Ford titled The Best Year of Your Life: Dream it, plan It, live It. How many times do we have this talk with ourselves, where we sit down, take a notebook, make an outline, and plan the next week, month, year, only to find the notebook in a drawer untouched two months later? What started out as a notebook, became a NOT-book, as yet another plan fell apart. Debbie Ford's book offers a way out of that endless cycle by discussing ways to get off the treadmill, and realize that the year we are living in--right now--is truly the best year of our lives. Ford's easy to read, 224 page guide will BE the only notebook you need to finally aim at and reach goals you've put aside so many times it's embarrassing. Even if your plans fall apart once more the book has a valuable lesson insofar as the year we're in can always be the best of our lives, no matter what.

The Best Year of Your Life: Dream It, Plan It, Live It
By Debbie Ford
Published by HarperCollins, 2004

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Imagine Exotic Travels With Your Best Friend

Traveling is fun, it's even better when you're with your best friend. We've been to every corner of the nation and many places in-between. Some of our greatest adventures were on the island of Kauai. The picture was taken before we got lost in the jungle (cool story, be sure to have us tell you about it sometime). The Na Pali Coast is a stunning place to hike and kayak. We'd love to show you some of the off-the-beaten track spots on Kauai such as Hamura's as well as the world famous Roy's. Plan to join us in the spring of 2010.
Spring 2010 Caffection Seminar

Want more out of your relationship... more romance, more fun, more energy and enjoyment? Travel with us to the Lush, exotic Hawaiian Garden Island of Kauai!

Exotic Extravaganza Exclusively for Married Best Friends
Learn Marriage Affirming Tools
Meet other Caffected Couples
A Romantic Getaway with Your Best Friend
Enrich Your Caffection With the MTMBF Team

Thursday, September 4, 2008

River Run

We've referred more than once in this blog to an old Native American saying: "Don't push the river; it flows all by itself". Recently we read a corollary to this truism: "Sometimes there's just no way to hold the river back". These two quotes have figured prominently in our lives the past few days. Things have come together. We've come to understand that all we really need to do is get out of the way, and allow them to happen. When we most needed a web designer, she magically appeared; we needed a source for a certain product, and along came a source; we put out feelers for a graphic designer, and it turned out there was one practically next door. Ask and you shall receive; what you focus on expands. We're asking you, our readers to submit your own providential stories, events or convergences that prove this theory; that the way we think and believe determines the course of not only the river, but of our lives as well.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

All Inclusive Caffection

we have a dream
Connection + Affection = Caffection!

Married Best Friends.
Can you see it?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Google Chrome

Using the internet is about to be improved, compliments of our friends at Google. Imagine even faster, easier, and safer browsing. This is Googles' plan with the new Chrome web browser, as is reported in CNNMoney.com today. Being all around google fans, we're anxious for the Mac version to be developed.

Monday, September 1, 2008


We seem to be getting a fair number of readers, but none of you ever comment. We're fairly new to the blogosphere, so is that typical? Or is there something we can do to make it easier to comment? We'd love to hear what you have to say, bad or good, and any constructive criticisms you might have. For instance, a woman in Sanford Florida--Captain Mary--hello down there, and hope all is well. One frequent visitor from Strongsville Ohio checks in, but again no comment. Thus far we've had friends drop in from all over the world--New Zealand, Australia, Hungary, UK, Rio, Canada, Several states in the US, and even a few from the subcontinent and Phillipines. Let us know what you think of the Caffection blog, and let's have a conversation.