Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Kids

Many relationships struggle when the kids leave home. It's true, after building your life with them as the center, their departure will cause disruption in the ebb & flow of your days. We suggest going back to the basics of rituals when a couple asks how to rebuild what they once had. As we've learned from our friends at What Happy Couples Do, people in great relationships use rituals to build closer ties.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Mansion Upon the Sand

All love that has not friendship for its base,
is like a mansion built upon the sand.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Raise the Bar

Raise the bar for marriage. First of all, marriage is not a heterosexual privilege, but a human right. Many of our LGBT friends are desperately attempting to obtain the right to marry. Their inclusion in the ranks of married people can only elevate the institution of marriage above where it is now. Those organizations which are identified by people anxious to join are by definition more desirable. Besides, other arrangements, so-called 'marriage lite', such as partnering, living together, common law, civil unions etc. all act to disperse and thereby lower the sanctity of marriage. Society ought to discourage those. A truly conservative, self-protective, reasonable society would strongly encourage its citizens to have all the privileges of marriage.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Isn't it amazing how far we've come in such a short time? Our LGBT friends rightfully wish we'd come even further toward full equality, but imagine even five years ago the conservative, heartland state of Iowa recognizing the right to marry for everyone. Imagine as little as ten years ago lesbians and gays openly running for public office--and winning--being ordained into their respective ranks of clergy, adopting needy kids or having their families identified as normal as apple pie. If this isn't progress we don't know what is. Now imagine ten years hence when the demographic steamroller plows away the last vestiges of fear, homophobia and disdain, allowing us to direct our attention and all row together, like the well-coordinated team above, to address universal problems like hungry kids, poverty, needless disease, inadequate health care and the vexation of religion-based hatred & confrontation.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Musical Photo Album

People are asking to be included. How wonderful to know you are in a relationship of Caffection!
We'd love to have a picture of you in our next musical photo album. Send them to our Caffection Marriage Equality FB page with a note about you. We plan to add a new one every month. Also if you, or someone you know, has recorded an appropriate song - as Tom Goss did, have them drop us a line as well. We intend to Celebrate Caffection! It's fantastic to be in a healthy, vibrant, commited relationship. Join us in spreading the message: Caffection -- Everyone should have the civil right to Marry.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Social media
Twitter, MySpace, FaceBook, Orkut, LinkedIn and the rest are literally a virtual revolution in communications. When Gutenburg cranked out the first movable-type book in 1454, his so-called 42-line Bible, the world was turned on its ear. No longer did it take years for scribes to create new works that very few people could read. After Gutenburg, real books began to appear, and this astonishing development led to the Rennaisance. Then, about 150 years ago, the world was upended again by the invention of the telephone and telegraph. Then came moving pictures and photography. All these inventions had one thing in common: they were produced by a professional, and delivered to the masses one by one. The latest world changing event concerns our own version of all this, the social media sites. The difference is this--no longer are the pros in charge. All of us produce this information, this content, and we have access to all other users. Is this cool or what?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Summer Outtings

Today we were asked & attended a picnic. We enjoyed the company of some new friends who understand life is all about being who you really are. Knowing that you're here to support one another and make the campsite a little nicer when you leave.
When we accept that judging others isn't something we're required to do, it frees up a lot of time. Time to create new rituals in your own relationship, time to focus on fun and each other, time to meet new people and create life long friendships. Summer fun! Enjoy.

Friday, June 12, 2009


The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person.
Vi Putnam

Ms Putnam was referring to the ache we feel as human beings to 'belong' to someone, the desire too deep and too integral to our existence to ignore what draws us, as steel to a magnet, to another. We're all needed by someone whether we know it or not. It seems to be a mark of adulthood to accept that condition and not dismiss it or run away. Notice, too, that Putnam doesn't say condition, or state, or reality--she says 'magic'. Imagine that: the 'magic of being needed'. Responsibility? Yes, quite a lot of it. But when examined closely it's the responsibility to be who we need to be ourselves, to aspire to the level of humanity we ourselves deserve to find. In the end it seems we are needed by ourselves, too. Could this be the ultimate form of love and connection, the simple 'magic' of becoming the person we know we are, by being needed by one other person?

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Financial Challenges in Tough Times

Many people are facing financial challenges at this time. The brutal winds which have shuttered numerous corporations and small businesses affect all of us. Being down-sized, having benefits cut or losing a home or business can stress any relationship, no matter how strong. Caffected couples aren't immune.
We're facing a significant unexpected expense that has caused some sleepless nights and juggling of numbers. It's also caused us to prioritize and cut back on non-necessities. Since we know others are facing such uncertainty, we've decided to share tips we've heard from Caffected couples across the nation on ways to hunker down, fight the financial storm and bond together.

* Be as transparent as possible, bad news usually doesn't get better by hiding it
*Go to each other, not outsiders, with concerns
*Acknowledge your successes, sandwich your discussions Good/bad/Good
*Remember you ARE on the same side, if tension mounts...take a break
*ACK (always choose kind), see above
*Focus on options, if you're sinking financially, consider professional guidance
*Pamper each other to relieve stress, a bath with candles & music or a massage (with no sexual strings attached) will go a very long way in saying, "I Love You"
*Listen & ask for clarification if you don't understand, being heard is important
*Be compassionate, lean on each other for strength
*Hold hands
*Take a walk
*Touch each other
*Write a note telling your lover what you appreciate about them
*Share a mutual dream..."When we get through this tough time, we'll go to Paris!"

It's what we do with and to each other during the storm that will determine our outcome on the other side of it. Love fully, smile as often as you can, know your love can and will endure this difficult time. Most of all be proud of the wonderful relationship the two of you have created. We're glad you're Caffected and we're proud of you!

Monday, June 8, 2009

Choose Your Life

We have a calling to train couples to celebrate their solid relationships with affirmations and rituals. It's very exciting to know you can choose your attitude and your life! How wonderful to be in a forever relationship with the one you love the most.
An important part of a caffected relationship is making time for each other, not just the leftover pieces of your day. 'Quality time' is a cliche, but there's a particle of truth to it. Love requires positive energy management to not only sustain itself, but to grow and prosper.
Creating rituals helps you focus your time and energy on your mate, your best friend! Making time for your best friend lets them know just how important they are to you.
Imagine being able to be with the one special person who knows your secrets, knows your foibles, fears, aspirations. The one you'd want sharing your space, your kitchen, your car, your bed, your living and dining room, your romantic interludes, your life? If you're nodding your head right now, you are caffected. We applaud your commitment!
Be sure to use this recipe to keep your love fresh & vibrant: Combine fun, nurturing, patience, understanding, appreciation, support, respect. Knead well. Rich rewards are in store. Enjoy.

Sunday, June 7, 2009


There is no sudden leap to greatness. Your success lies in doing day by day.
Your upward reach comes from working well and carefully.
Max Steingart

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.
Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,
ambition inspired, and success achieved.

Helen Keller