Passing It On

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Passing on your knowledge is another form of paying it forward. People are watching. They see you as an individual, and as a couple. It's good to understand the positive impact we can have on the 'yet-to-be' married people and act accordingly. Marriage is fun, interesting, and exciting. It's also worth every challenge involved in making it great. Making it Caffection! Surprised to hear us say 'challenge'? Life can be challenging, and relationships are no different. It's all about focus, because what you focus on, truly does expand. We choose to focus on the positives in life. We build our Caffection more each day by encouraging each other, doing small tasks for one another, smiling more than we frown and taking the time to write a note of encouragement. Today go out of your way to make your best friend's life easier. Today be aware that others' are learning from your example. Then smile, you're a marriage role model. Cool, very cool.

Caffection? What's All The Excitement?

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What is CAFFECTION?

It is an unmistakable bond with the love of your life. It's the most passionate, on-going, fun, energizing, magnificent relationship you can ever imagine. AND when you've got it, you Know it!

Connection + AFFECTION = CAFFECTION!

You also wish it for everyone you know. It IS fantastic to have what you have. The love you have is very cool. Everyone wants what you have. Enjoy it, be proud of it, share it.

Oscar Momentum

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In his Oscar acceptance speech last evening Sean Penn mentioned "the shame they continue to live in, they'll pass on to their children & grandchildren." He was referring to people in California who voted yes on Prop 8. Here's hoping Penn's Oscar win for his portrayal of Harvey Milk creates the kind of momentum needed to finally secure equal rights, including marriage equality for everyone, not just in California but across this nation. For our religious friends, it is time to listen to the founder of your liturgy, truly listen to what He said, unburden yourselves of your self-righteous hatred and bigotry and accept the simple truth that everyone, black, white, male, female, gay, straight deserves to love and be loved, and to marry who they love and cherish. It is time.

Journaling to Affirm

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It's true that we've written volumes to each other over the years, most of which has taken place in the most unlikely spot...our bed. The Journal Across The Sheets (JATS) has served many purposes during our 106+ month marriage. Our JATS has allowed us to jot things down before spouting off, log observations about current affairs, share goofy moments that happened during our day, ramble on about kids, work, or relatives without even talking. Just the activity of putting pen to paper helps us work through some issues in our own mind. This seems to make less of the problem before we even mention it. This alone is beneficial. But the real benefit is that we know there isn't anything we can't share with each other. That's a big part of being married to your best friend. There's no daylight between us, no secrets, no hidden agenda. Just you + me = WE. Actually, we've found the more random 'stuff' we write about, the closer we've become. If you're wondering if that's all we JATS about? It's true, the bulk of our writing is just 'stuff', but make no mistake, it IS written in bed by two adults who respect, honor and adore each other in the best Caffected relationship possible. Do you know a couple who seemed to suddenly, out of the blue, crumble on the rocks, their marriage foundering without any explanation or warning? It's possible a journal such as our JATS may have prevented their unforeseen marital catastrophe. These days with so much electronic & other interference in our lives, writing to each other seems quaint, almost naive. But if it works to keep people together in the quiet of their bedroom, it's more than worth the effort. And who knows what may happen after you put the pen down?

Marriage Rituals

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We often ask people what rituals they have. Things such as license plates for their cars, wine glasses they always drink from, special treats they get each other often. Many give us a confused stare, followed by a bit of dancing around the topic when we explain ourselves in greater detail. But usually most couples do have rituals they enjoy, and we'd like to have everyone send us a couple of theirs so we can compile a Caffected Couples Ritual list. We'd love to have you send pictures too!

Healthful Marriage

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Married people live longer, enjoy life more, are more stable, eat better, have more and better sex, typically don't smoke, and take better care of themselves and each other. This is just one of many reasons we advocate marriage equality and the attainment of 'caffected marriage' for everyone. Coming soon is our latest creation from Caffection Press, a handy little booklet (e-book, too) that goes into a lot of detail on the how, why, when and why not of healthful marriage. The book has chapters on history of marriage, the community of marriage, date night (25 ready-made dates including meals, wine, flowers, music, you name it--cool, marriage dollars and cents & money styles, the big WHY, and last but by no means least--S-E-X! and why it really is better when you're married. Keep checking for www.healthfulmarriage.com. Coming soon to a website near you.

Married to Your Best Friend, Show Your Appreciation

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As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest
appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. JFK

Though these words from JFK ring true for everyone, stylistic differences, brought out by living together day in & day out, can cause tensions. It's amazing how a few words of appreciation create a more peaceful union. If you find yourself irritated about the way your mate folds the laundry or the way the TP roll is hung, try this; write them a note of thanks for doing it. This will help you remember someone else is doing the task (even if it's folded differently, it's done!) and it serves as a reminder that you get to choose your attitude. Isn't it cool to have a positive relationship? Everyone should have a love like yours.

Black History Month

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Here's a question: what do blood transfusions, the Laserphaco Probe, the ironing board, a train-to-station communication system, the gas mask, peanut butter and the super-soaker water gun have in common? Give up? They were all invented by African Americans. Dr. Patricia Bath M.D invented the Laserphaco device which ablates cataracts. Everyone knows George Washington Carver invented Peanut Butter (plus 400 other plant products). A fellow named Granville Woods came up with a system for calling trains directly from the station, saving time and money. Garrett Morgan invented the gas mask. Lonnie Johnson took the common water pistol and super-sized it. During Black History month, let's avoid the blood transfusions & cataracts, but if you get a chance to take a train, go to the meal car for a P&J, then engage a fellow traveler in a rousing battle with your super-soaker.
Here's to all our African-American neighbors and friends and their contributions to society.

Are We Non-Standard?

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Is different wrong? Our society often treats 'different' as unacceptable,bad or even immoral. But why? Could it be we were raised differently? Have we really taken the time to understand other view-points?
Recently we've had cause to evaluate what we consider the 'norm' or standard. A friend explained their daughter's word; "Non-Standard." Exactly. We're all non-standard in some way, and our non-standard, is another person's standard. The key is to learn from one another, to take the opportunity to understand before we judge. Many people share the same values we do, though they may not look like we do, wear what we wear, live where we live or have the same spiritual upbringing. They may not eat the foods we do, speak the same language or drive on the same side of the road, yet they live by the same guiding principles.
Caffection is like that. Being nice doesn't cost anything. It's FREE! So make being kind your default mode. Affirm each other everyday, sneak a note into your lovers' lunch bag, do the laundry -- even if it's not your turn. Find ways to make your caffection FUN. A positive, sexy, fun marriage is a choice. Decide today to make it your reality.
p.s. tuck the kiddos in bed, grab your caffected other (aka Best Friend) and see what marriage can be. ENJOY.

Fun ways to Celebrate Valentines Day

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In the spirit of Valentines Day we celebrate love.

The exchanging of Valentine Cards, originally hand-made of lace and ribbons featuring cupids and hearts, was the first popular symbol attached to this celebration of romance.
Roses were said to be sacred to Venus, the Goddess of Love. The red rose is the most popular Valentine symbol, implying beauty, passion and love. And of course there is the, always in-style, box of chocolates.

7 Romantic ways to show your Caffection:

1) Send flowers
2) Listen
3) Make a favorite meal
7) Read Poetry
3) Write a Love Letter
2) Gentle Massage
1) Make Love

The Marvelous Bowl

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We've been blessed to meet, in person & virtually, many caffected couples who've shared their stories so we may pass them on to you. We're excited for the day when we begin receiving videos to place on the website as well. This touching story comes to us from T & W in Chicago.

My lover and I have been together for 17 years, which surprises us almost as much as it does people who assume gay marriages don't last. A lot of the credit for our longevity goes to a straight couple who befriended us very early in our relationship and gave us an amazing gift.
They told us to picture our relationship as a bowl we share. Every day, it's up to each of us to put something in the bowl. It can be anything--an act of kindness, a trinket, taking care of things so the other can sleep in, a lavish present... anything. The point is for each of us to never end a day without doing something especially for the other.
The bowl is impervious to disagreements, changing moods, etc. It must be attended to every day regardless of how we feel about each other. So many have been the times that I've not liked W very much, but my obligation to the bowl (i.e., our marriage) has compelled me to do something nice for him... and vice versa.
It's amazing how quickly frustrations and anger with your lover dissolve when, for instance, you wake up in the middle of the night and find a candy bar he's placed on your bed table.
Trust me, the bowl is a marvelous--sometimes miraculous--thing!

Healthy Vibrant Marriages

CAFFECTION.com

There's No Place Like Home. Home, a word that means safety, security, warmth. For us, when we hear the word home, we think of each other. Marriage = Home. Many of you can relate to that. What does this "home" look like? Positive people bringing out the best in each other. Two committed adults who are kind, sensitive and considerate of each others' needs. Folks who know they're married to their best friend. The one who will be there through thick & thin, sickness & sorrow, to share health & happiness with. It's very cool and it's forever.
We, just as many of you, have the most wonderful "home." However, this is the 2nd "home" (marriage) for each of us. This is a home we would literally die for and if anyone tried to take it away, we'd fight tooth & nail. It would seem absurd for the government to declare our current marriage void because of any religious viewpoint. What would a "Don't Divorce Us!" video with all the heterosexual, second-time-around straight marriages look like? What biblical verse forbids divorce/remarriage? Or perhaps the real question is, what constitutional law allows it?
This doesn't look like the land of the free, Toto. Be brave Dorothy, we'll help you get there.

There's No Place Like HOME.

Spice Up Your Life

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Imagination and creativity bring energy to a relationship. Here's a couple who started their marriage off, with an un-traditional wedding dance. Finding fun ways to spice up your relationship will add value to your lives. Whether it's with a sexy massage, flowers, or a bottle of your lover's favorite wine, surprising each other is a sure way to keep your love alive.

Life With a Smile

CAFFECTION.com

Life can be so serious. It seems the older we get, the less we smile, laugh & just be ourselves. Reading up on life from 5 year old Claire's viewpoint, thanks to our friends at What Happy Couples Do, reminds us of days gone by. When was it we lost the caution to be our true selves? While many people dampen our spirit, with Caffection you can make each others' world a more enjoyable place to be. Today do an extra something for your lover to let them know they mean the world to you.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out." Walter Winchell

Best Friends for Years

CAFFECTION.com

Today a man, who celebrated his 30th anniversary last year, asked "What is Caffection?" After telling him our vision for celebrating great unions, he smiled, nodded & replied, "It can't always be fun or great. What about when there's issues with money, kids or work, and sorrows like death."
So, what about the tough stuff. It's out there, and though we have a great relationship with lots of fun & adventures, we have challenges too. How do we deal with them within our relationship, how do you?
Many years ago I recall hearing Richard Carlson discuss the book he wrote, "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff, and it's all small stuff." He said he'd been contacted by many people who wanted to know... what about the BIG stuff? He went on to write something addressing just that. There is BIG stuff in everyone's life.
While placing links within the content of the blog, as we commonly do, I Googled the author of the book. I was shocked to learn of his unexpected death, December 13, 2006. The significance of this finding in conjunction with today's topic leaves me feeling a bit unsettled, as well as humbled to the timely comment of the gentleman married 30 years.
Please check out the website Kristine & Richard Carlson's.

A LOVE Like Yours!

CAFFECTION!
EVERYONE should have a love like yours!

Caffection!
Married To My Best Friend
believes Marriage is for everyone
to enjoy.

We're building a community of like-minded couples who support each other in celebrating the vibrant relationship we call Caffection. Marriage is a beautiful bond shared by two adults committed to nurturing one another through the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's a commitment everyone who chooses to, shall one day have the civil right to, obtaining a marriage license. Until that glorious day arrives, we stand in full support of ALL couples who are Caffected. For in our eyes they, like us, already are MARRIED.