CAFFECTION

When I was a kid, I’d heard the strange expression my better half . After Byron & I were married I understood that simple saying had come true. I’m blessed to be married to a man who is genuine, kind, and empathetic. His consideration of my needs takes precedent over his, unconditionally. He’s appreciative of every small gesture I make toward him, returning them tenfold. I enjoy people noticing his nurturing way toward me. When I commented to him just how much I loved his doting, his reply amazed me; “you do the same for me.” The more he did for me, the more I wanted to do for him. We lived caffection and it showed. Before we left Kauai, Charlie, the security guy at our condo complex, created a C.D. of local songs for us. The first song was one we’d never heard before, yet the lyrics say exactly what Charlie saw in our relationship. What a tribute! Lucky One by Kalaeloa describes the interaction of our caffected marriage. When you put your mate’s needs first and find ways to make their life easier, you’ll quickly notice the same coming back to you. Try it, it's very cool to know your caffected mate feels like they are the lucky one!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Envy

Philosopher Bertrand Russell said, "Envy consists in seeing things never in themselves, but only in their relations. If you desire glory, you may envy Napoleon, but Napoleon envied Caesar, Caesar envied Alexander, and Alexander, I daresay, envied Hercules, who never existed." Envy denies us contentment and wastes our time. Great French writer Honore de Balzac said "Envy is the most stupid of vices, for there is no single advantage to be gained from it." We all know people who are smarter, richer, funnier, more talented, or better looking. So what? You were likely not going to attend Harvard or Stanford anyway; what's the use or advantage in being envious of someone who has that opportunity? Being envious also robs us of our appreciation for our own self worth, and our own vital purpose as we focus on someone else's. There's a reason we say 'green with envy'. Green is the color of fertility, and envy certainly grows if we allow it to. It also grows all manner of weeds that choke off our better nature. Caffected couples are noticeable by their complete lack of envy at the others' success, reward, advancement or insight. If you have a story to reinforce this view, we'd love for you to share it. Use the link above and tell your story. Just initials and city, please. Thanks!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Pass It On

As you know, we enjoy being able to help organizations that provide great value to others. A few months ago we read about one such organization, CAMP Get-A-Well-A . Imagine being a kid and getting to go to camp while you're in the hospital. "I want to be back at camp! They made me come back to the hospital!"

Yesterday we received a handwritten note from JoLanne Hansen, the camps’ Executive Director, asking us to “tell 5 people you see tomorrow about it.” Since our blog is a superb communication tool, we’d like to ask you to do the same… “tell 5 people you see tomorrow about it.” Any contribution, especially emailing this to 5 people you know as well as sending positive thoughts & prayers will allow CAMP-Get-A-Well-A to keep making a difference. So during this time of highly charged politics, take a break from politics, share this with your Caffected best friend and pass this on. That's what CAFFECTION is all about; make a difference, you'll be glad you did..

Monday, October 27, 2008

Affirmation Book

Monday again, and time for a book review. This week we decided to review a book that is filled with affirmation in its own way, and one of the premier feel-good books of all time: Jeanne Ray's Eat Cake. Why put this book on a marriage of Caffection website? Here's why. Eat Cake is about real people, having real life experiences, while the protagonist is busy reinventing herself. Throughout the book, as our subject attempts to reduce the stress in her life, she finds that cake is the ultimate answer. "Cake has gotten a bad rap." she writes. "People have come to equate virtue with turning down dessert."
So what does she do? She timidly sets out to change that, starting a cake baking concern she calls, Eat Cake. The real life, back and forth, ultimately affirming process is the upshot of this great read. It will make you laugh. It will make you cry. It will make you order dessert.
And if you're caffected, here's a tip: fix him/her a cake for no reason. Don't wait for a birthday, anniversary, or award. Do it today, and decorate it, too. Write Happy Caffection on it.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Supporting Your Best Friend

Change, as we noted on our May blog, is inevitable. It can be many things, fun, exciting, confusing and challenging. In May we switched to Apple computers, we took advantage of a great program Apple offers: onetoone to ease the steep learning curve. Now we've ventured to the next challenge: getting comfortable with an iPhone. It requires patience and support, each taking turns as one of us confronts a new-to-us problem that we'll overcome with time and knowledge of this new technology. In the May blog we cited "Who Moved My Cheese", a quick read by Dr. Spencer Johnson that you caffected mates can share and enjoy. It'll leave you discussing all the Hem's and Haw's of your lives and their characteristics you have as well.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Seductive Marriage

Imagine thinking the word seductive when you think of your marriage. We do, and we have a tip to help you create that atmosphere within your caffected union.

Remember how mysterious, intriguing and fun flirting used to be? Guess what, it still is! So go for it. Flirting with your best friend, your spouse, is a great way to stay connected and keep that spark alive. Steal a seductive glance across the room, brush playfully up against them while doing daily tasks, tuck a love note in their lunch bag. Whatever it is, make it fun and make it often.

Knowing you're married to your best friend keeps the caffection alive!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

PWE

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Great motivational speaker Andy Andrews, author of The Traveler's Gift and other best selling books uses a simple mantra in his presentations. "Persist Without Exception". Andy states that people only think they know what that means. That we only need to persist until we discover that there's simply no way to do or be or get what we want. But that isn't what PWE means. It means, quite literally, to persist without any exceptions, hesitations, or interruptions until we, as Andrews says, "find a way where there is no way." He goes on to illustrate his point in reference to The Traveler's Gift, a wonderful little book about seven of the great people in history who only triumphed because they understood PWE. The world is full of people who get within days or inches or attempts of their goal and then give up in the face of adversity. Those who persist without exception end up in history books. Caffected relationships are the romantic, tender, committed example of PWE. Got Caffection? You could make history.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Kids

Here's another benefit to being caffected. Your kids see how you interact with each other, and they want that, too. There's likely no better way to boost a person's self-esteem than to reinforce to them how beautiful, how precious they are to you. Caffected couples say it often, leaving no ambiguity. We say it to each other--"I love you", or "I'm glad you're mine." And here's the thing--we mean it. When our kids see that open tenderness and affection they naturally want the same for themselves, and more and more they decide they won't settle for less. According to the book Seven Principles for Making Marriages Work, by John Gottman, MD, and webmd, there's no reason to pick at each other for insignificant things like toilet paper rolls, toothpaste tubes and the like. There's too much tension, bitterness and strife in many relationships. Kids see that, too, and instead of judging it wrong or odd, somehow, they often assume it's normal behavior. We should never be afraid to announce our feelings of gratitude and affection for our mate. Married best friends have a responsibility to expose that side of themselves, and allow their status to flourish.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Caffection Marriage Rituals

Can you list all your love rituals?

Wondering, "What is a love ritual?" Love rituals are things you share as a couple. As simple as a peck on the cheek when you greet each other, to big things such as an annual anniversary trip. The key thing about rituals is focusing your time and energy on your mate, your best friend! Making time for your best friend lets them know just how important they are to you.
As you might have guessed, the higher your number the more caffected you're likely to be.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Spiritually Caffected Marriage

Being married to your best friend means different things to different people. It has a lot to do with where you are in your life. We have the perspective of an older, empty-nest couple. Our WE has a lot to do with enjoying each others' company, and wanting to be together. We select the people we hang out with accordingly.
Over time we've understood that there are many opportunities for tension and struggle in any relationship, and one of the big ones is kids. Too many people put their kids first in the marriage, and then watch as over time the kids become a wedge, a buffer in an increasingly tense relationship. We realized that couples need to be a bit selfish. They need to let the kids know that the marriage comes first, because for one thing it WAS first, for another, it needs to endure beyond the time the kids are in the nest, and yet another because they need the example of a committed, caffected marriage for their own pursuit of a relationship.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Caffected Plates for Best Friends

Kalaheo, Kauai, Hawaii, home of The Brick Oven where they create fantastic pizza AND sport old (donated) license plates from all around the world, including one from us. Imagine people scratching their heads--"BEME? Iowa? What's that mean?" Then back to their pepperoni pineapple pizza. BE ME is, of course, our initials and it's made for interesting conversation. If you've never had a vanity plate, give it a try. Everyone should have a love worth talking about--and, unlike pizza, there's enough for everyone. In fact, any way you slice it, the more there is--the more there is!
We'll go back to the Brick Oven someday and take them another plate. And ask for one of theirs. Yum!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Caffected careers

Caffection.com
If you have the good fortune to work at the same place as your spouse, count your blessings. Some say this is a recipe for conflict, but the caffected couple takes advantage of every opportunity to see and spend time with each other. Even if it's just a quick lunch, or a memo in the hallway, interaction at work can enhance the passion at home. Plus, having your colleagues at work see the beauty and depth of your relationship always has a positive influence on someone else. Because of increasing job strain, elimination of career paths and various other factors many couples are seeking employment together. Maybe the nest is empty, you want to travel, or you just miss each other. Couples are creating parallel careers. You may never know just how powerful a message you're sending when you announce your caffection to the world. And you should; caffection is THE elite status for married people. Got Caffection?

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Happily Caffected, after a fashion

No one said it would be easy. A great relationship requires patience, kindness and attention. There are many of you who've been together through the good, the bad and the ugly. You've surfaced on the other side to create a happily caffected union. And to those of you who fall in that category we commend you, congrats on a job well done. Several of us, however, learn the above requirements after an unsuccessful previous attempt. Our friends at What Happy Couples Do shared a great story on their blog yesterday you'll want to read. Though we've yet to get to Monhegan Island, Maine, it looks like a slice of heaven we need to experience soon.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

A Date With Your Sexy Mate

We need to schedule a date with our caffected other and make it happen, especially when we feel we're too busy to take the time. Today, which turned out to be a stunningly beautiful fall day in Ohio, we'd scheduled one such date. We packed a picnic lunch and headed out to enjoy the day together. It's vital to find ways to affirm your relationship to one another, making time for each other is one of the best. Be sure to sign up for (and do) the weekly affirmations from the Caffection website, too. We find the more we nurture our love, the deeper our bond gets.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Fun With Your Partner

Check out the new Caffection! Married To My Best Friend website. There are many good tips for staying connected with your best buddy. Being married to your best friend is such great fun, we'd love everyone to have the solid, strong, wonderful bond we do. Stop over, watch a movie or two and sign up for a daily quote. Share your favorite couples story while your there, we look forward to reading it. Enjoy.

Best Friends

Best friends are interested in only one thing: the well being of the other. This is achingly obvious, but needs to be reiterated. Make it a point today to find something positive to say to your best pal. Make it genuine. Make it something they don't expect, like "I appreciate the way you take care of yourself", or "I really like hanging out with you", or just "Thanks for letting me be who I am". It's really simple stuff. But it brings great rewards, especially if your SO is feeling a bit of a challenge.

Got Caffection?

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Smooth Sailing

caffection.com

We wish everyone could have the experience we had in Hawaii of belonging to an ocean paddling club. It's one thing to travel to Oahu as a tourist, pay big dollars for a short ride in an outrigger at Waikiki, and tell your friends about it later. It's quite another thing to belong to a club that meets once a week during the racing season, and participate in the Hawaiian State sport. One is fun, exotic, relaxing, and easy. The other, the club and its demands, is hard work, challenging, invigorating and satisfying long term. A Caffected relationship is like that. There are couples who visit their marriage, pay what it takes, have a casual attitude about it, and have fun while it lasts. Belonging to your marriage is so much more gratifying, because of the commitment, focus, working through challenges, and building a strong team. And the ultimate reward of all that paddling and concentration is that when a wave threatens to swamp your boat, you get a 'bump' instead. That can only lead to smooth sailing. Got Caffection?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Autumn Caffection

Here are a few ways to celebrate your caffection this autumn. The couple pictured here is engaged in what could be the earliest, simplest form of establishing an enduring memory together. Part of being caffected is to allow the kid in you to emerge, release your inhibitions, and chase each other through the leaves. Follow that up with hot cider, garnished with a stick of vanilla. Then, fix a fire for the first time this season, curl up with a good book--we recommend one we've reviewed previously--and just read to each other. There are few things in life more intimate than reading to your mate. Again, let the kid in you come out and play. One of our earliest childhood memories is having a parent or guardian read to us at bedtime. There's something satisfying in a really primitive way in being read to. Finally, fix a late dinner together. Make it special; wine and candlelight in the middle of the week is sexy, romantic and unexpectedly affirming. So kick the leaves, put cider in the crock pot, find a good book, and spend a warm early fall evening just enjoying each other. You're worth it.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Got Caffection?

Soon all best friends who happen to be married will have a website to access, to reinforce their commitment to each other, to reaffirm their unique status, and to enjoy the interaction available. If you're married to your best friend, check out Caffection.com tomorrow. We mean everyone, as our mission statement says. No narrow, mean-spirited restrictions based on gender. This is not only a month we celebrate the discovery of a new land by one Italian mariner, it happens to be gay and lesbian history month as well. So we launch caffection with the intention of helping people discover their most fulfilling adventure in life--marriage to their best friend.

Come by our (your) brand new website, sign up for a lot of useful information and free gifts, and check in regularly for our offerings.

Got Caffection?

Monday, October 6, 2008

Great Relationships--book review

CAFFECTION.COM

Great relationships are nurtured along, just as JFK related; "The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining”. This is particularly true with marriage. Affirmation is one of the best tools for building your relationship. When you consistently praise things your mate does that you like, that praise will proliferate. What you focus on expands.

Speaking of great relationships, this week’s book review is of The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, who was a professor of Computer Science, Human Computer Interaction & Design at Carnegie Mellon University. Professor Pausch died in July 2008 of pancreatic cancer. His ‘Last Lecture’, the subject of the book, is an inspiring sojourn through Pausch’s last, limited time on earth, his perspective on life as the only chance we’re given to make a difference, and his objective view of what makes life valuable. “we cannot change the cards we’re dealt; just how we play the hand.” His interaction with his spouse and children is exemplary as well, and a sure guide to living as if we were dying, as we all surely are. Available through Hyperionbooks.com.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Affirming Your Caffection

We all understand how true the saying, beauty is in the eye of the beholder is. The key is learning new & ongoing ways to appreciate your choice. As our friends at What Happy Couples Do indicate, established rituals are an important part of building strong ties. We love being together and it shows, people take notice of our kind acts toward each other. Fun things, such as holding the door or random flirting glances, take very little time but pay big dividends in the long run. As the book, Essential Manners For Couples discusses, other people notice great relationships and it's rewarding to both of you. Being solid and secure in your relationship can be all these things: beautiful, rich, alluring and famously rewarding. You may be asked for an autograph.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Excitement in America

CAFFECTION.COM

Exciting and important.

Surprises can be fun to share with your best friend, but one thing that we take seriously is the 2008 election. As caffected couples we realize it's our responsibility to know the issues and vote accordingly.

As the video indicates, this is a big election. We've heard from caffected couples on both sides of the political fence this year (as well as some who-- amazingly enough -- live together and vote opposite each other...wow, that would create interesting conversations.) Take the time, get involved. Spread the word to your friends. Then be prepared to celebrate on November 4th as our great land, the land of the free, moves into an era that truly promotes liberty and justice for ALL.

Friday, October 3, 2008

We're LIVE!

CAFFECTION.COM is a real live website! YES! After several months, and long, tedious, tender tendering, our caffected couples website is up and running. It’s very much like sending one’s child out into the world. Take a peek at Caffection.com and you’re bound to find something there of interest to you, to help celebrate your caffected relationship.
We feel compelled to reiterate here on our launch announcement just what our mission statement is:
Our mission is to energize relationships, and celebrate an elite status--Married Best Friends. Caffection is the brand for married friendship. We believe in marriage. We believe those who choose to marry should be married to their best friend.

In the final days leading up to launch date we offered the URL of the ‘phantom’ site to several associates to help us clean up loose ends, make sure the buttons worked, and get feedback. One thing mentioned was an apprehension that the term marriage would appear to exclude our gay friends. Nothing could be further from the truth. We believe exactly what the mission statement says: Caffection.com is a site for couples who wish to visit and find resources to help celebrate their union. And yes, we believe strongly in gay marriage. So visit often, use the site, give us your suggestions, ideas, criticisms, and please share your own story with us and all other caffected couples. This is not about us; this is a website for you, elite couples who are proud to say they’re with their best friend.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Appreciation

CAFFECTION.COM
We are blessed to be surrounded by great family and friends who support and encourage us. Two of those dear friends have given us much encouragement of late, and have also made us aware of a feature on National Public Radio (NPR) called Story Corps. This is a regular feature of the show in which voices and stories of loved ones are compiled for posterity. Check into it today, and while you're at it, check into caffection.com, which also has a page for stories about your relationship with the most important person in your life, your spouse. The Caffected couples stories page is just one of many interactive features of the website open today. Welcome to Caffection. Take a minute to tell us about your union, and one of its most endearing events.

Best friends married